Random Conversations on Aim
by AlicethePixieQueen
Summary: not sure what to say...here goes *ahem*Random conversation on Aim with the Twilight Characters meant to be funny but sometimes its plain stupid XD hope you read/review and like the randomness!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1-**The meet and greet...(ha yea right)

Emmett:**MonkeyMan**

Alice:**Short_psychic-pixie**

Edward:**Controlfreak1918**

**Short_psychic-pixie has signed on..  
Control-freak1918 has signed on..**

**Controlfreak1918**: Hey Alice

**Short_psychic-pixie**: I'm having a vision shh!

**Controlfreak1918**: Ok ….Alice uhm what was that about?

**Short_psychic-pixie**: I said shut up Edward! Geez and idk maybe...omg I have 2 tell Esme!

_**Short_psychic-pixie is away...**_

**Controlfreak1918**:*reads Alice's mind*What nooo! That won't happen noo please don't go tell Esme nooo!*bangs head on desk...breaks the desk*Well son of a bulldog!  
**  
MonkeyMan has signed on...**

**MonkeyMan**:Woot! Finally Edward will get some action! U won't be a prude!*runs off to tell Rose and Jazz*

_**MonkeyMan is away...**_

**Controlfreak1918**:Emmett come back don't tell them..shut up!*rereads the last part* Hey I am not a prude!*growls*

_**Controlfreak1918 is away...  
**_  
_**Short_psychic-pixie is back...**_

**Short_psychic-pixie**:I'm back! Hey Eddiekins!...Emmet?*closes eyes*0_0 Everyone went downstairs to spread the wonderful news about Ed's new girl! Bella Swan haha y am I talking to myself?o.O..shopping time XD

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off..**_

_**Controlfreak1918 is back...**_

**Controlfreak1918**:Hey Alice...o you signed off...damn it.

_**MonkeyMan is back..**_

**MonkeyMan**:haha good luck 2morrow! Eddiekins! Hahaha =* eddy and bella sitting in a tree...wait how did you 2 end up in a tree? I'm the only monkey here_

**Controlfreak1918**:Emmett shut up!Must you be such a moron?*sighs*

**MonkeyMan**:Awww! Poor lil bro haha I have to go Rosie wants to have some fun ;]

**Controlfreak1918**: Fine eww please go to your own house I don't wanna hear or think about it! You've already caused me to have a migraine please just go away.

**MonkeyMan**:lol...no promises =] bye!

_**MonkeyMan has signed off..**_

**Controlfreak1918**:Allll alone...=(

**Short_psychic-pixie signed on..**  
**  
Short_psychic-pixie**:Not for long haha XD*runs off to shop laughing insanely*

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off..**_

**Controlfreak1918**:grrr..my whole family gives me a headache please oh merciful death give me a reprieve

_**Controlfreak1918 has signed off..**_

**Authors note:Hey names Alice this is a random project between my best friend Rosalie and I, we were bored and random conversations inspired this whole project =3 please read and review!3 I appreciate any critic also thank you for reading this random story XD. All this so I can practice my writing also I have original stories I am trying to develop so this is a way to get rid of writers block. There will be more chapters so if you enjoyed chapter one there will be more muhahahah XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2-**The Parental Chat

Emmett:**MonkeyMan**

Alice:**Short_psychic-pixie**

Rosalie:**Proud_Blonde**

Carlisle:**2Hot4U**__

Esme:**Airhead-mother**

**MonkeyMan has signed on...**

**Proud_Blonde has signed on..**

**Airhead-mother has signed on..**

**2Hot4U has signed on..**

**Short_psychic-pixie has signed on..**

**Airhead-mother**: Next time you two "have fun" please do it at your own place that I designed for you two! thank you =)

**MonkeyMan**: Aww but Eddiekins was so annoyed it was too hard to resist! It was absolutely funny not to mention necessary! But hey you and dad aren't very discreet either haha *wink nudge wink* ;)

**Proud_Blonde**:*snickers behind hand* Em sweetie you are such a idoit!

**2Hot4U**: How exactly is that funny? Hey Esme darling why does your screenname say airhead?

**Airhead-mother**: mine? Emmett what did you do! Honey yours says 2Hot4U do I want to know? O.o

**Proud_Blonde**: lol haha nice one Em

**MonkeyMan**: haha o yea! But it wasn't me Rosie

**2Hot4U**: What? Seriously? O *cough* mine is well uhm I panicked...*hides*

**Airhead-mother**: U panicked? Kitchen now!*glares at computer screen*

**2Hot4U**: Yes dear...*runs off*

_**Airhead-mother has signed off...**_

_**2Hot4U has signed off...**_

**Proud_Blonde**: lol

**MonkeyMan**: Babe you did it didn't you?

**Proud_Blonde**: YES!*covers mouth 2 try 2 kill laughter* lOk hey I want some Ass love lets go annoy Edward!

**MonkeyMan**: Lol not now babe 

**Proud_Blonde**: Why the fuck not I'm horny... grr =[

**Airhead-mother has signed on...**  
**2Hot4U has signed on...**

**Airhead-mother**: Wtf Rose eeeww TMI

**MonkeyMan**: Dad this is why mom's name is airhead lol

**Proud_Blonde**: Lmao yeah she thinks being horny and making love is gross but still she does it haha

**Airhead-mother**: Hey that's mean *crying*T.T

**2Hot4U**: Hey shut the hell up u assholes...grr*comforts Esme*

**MonkeyMan**: HEY! Your not supposed to talk to your kids like that...

**Proud_Blonde**: Yeah tell him sweetie!

**2Hot4U**: Um news flash...your not my REAL KIDS!

**Airhead-mother**: Yeah dickheads *still crying*

**Short_psychic-pixie has signed on**

**Short_psychic-pixie**: BURN!

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off**_

**MonkeyMan**: Oh... yeah i forgot... hehe well never mind... well lets go Rose...Alice shut up you loser!lol

**Proud_Blonde**: Okay ;) about damn time!

**2Hot4U**: dumbasses*shakes head in shame*

_**MonkeyMan has signed off...**_  
_**Proud_Blonde has signed off...**_

**2Hot4U**: So what do you wanna do Esme?

**Airhead-mother**: um...

**2Hot4U**: omg could u think any faster?*taps nails impatiently*

**Airhead-mother**: well what do u want to do?

**2Hot4U**: fuck...

**Airhead-mother**: okay what's that? :)

**2Hot4U**: shut up and sign off meet me in the room!

**Airhead-mother**: ok!*runs toward bedroom*

_**2Hot4U has signed off...  
Airhead-mother has signed off...**___

**A/N:****Heeeheee more randomness**

**Alice:I just realized you have my name...you stole it _**

**Me:omg really alice? Your fictional! im actually real so guess what I win!**

**Edward: but shes older**

**Emmett: yea and I think your taller!**

**Rosalie:...I think your best friend has stolen my name...I am the only Rosalie!**

**Me:0_o I would say breathe but all of you are dead! Ha! So anyways dear readers ignore the crazy twilight ppl speaking of which donde esta Jasper? Anyway read and review plz!**

**Jasper:there 2 alices omg 0_0*brain explodes***


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3-**The new girl

Rosalie**:Proud_Blonde  
**Esme**:Airhead-mother  
**Alice**:Short_psychic-pixie  
**Edward**:Controlfreak1918  
**Emmett**:MonkeyMan  
**Carlisle**:2Hot4U  
**Jasper**:Emo-dimple  
**Bella**:klutzy-human**

**A/N:Hey updating again hmm is that how you spell updating?...Where's Edward when you need him to be a dictionary! Anyways yea so read on!**

**Emo-dimple has signed on  
Short_psychic-pixie has signed on**

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Hey jazzy poo =*

**Emo-dimple**: Hey Ali poo

**MonkeyMan has signed on**

**MonkeyMan**: Eww your both talking about poop!...Wait! I thought we couldn't poop anymore?

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Shut up! Emmett!...*closes eyes*

**Emo-dimple**: What's wrong honey?

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Bella...she is about to sign on in 3..2..1..Oh and Emmett please Why don't you ask Carlise about our non existent bowel movements okies!

**Klutzy-human has signed on**

**Short_psychic-pixie**: HI BELLA!*waves frantically* =3

**Klutzy-human**: Uhm Hi Alice aren't you spastastic?...where is Edward he hasn't been in school for 2 weeks?=-(

**Emo-dimple**: Uh-oh...I feel anguish...*hides in corner*

**MonkeyMan**: Truth be told...he died...im sorry..v_v..Jasper stop it no no more Emo!

**Klutzy-human**: Wtf? Noo but i ...I mean oo ok not like I cared...stupid person..*sniffles*

**Emo-dimple**: uh-oh...uhm Bella don't cry its ok don't be so sad...T.T*still in corner* Emmett stfu!

**Short_psychic-pixie**: hahahahah... *cough*Bella Emmett is an idoit..his lying ok Edward is away.

**MonkeyMan**: What? Last time I saw eddiekins he was masturbating to strawberries and freesias...ow!

**Emo-dimple:** Wtf happened?..o.o *no longer in corner*

**Short_psychic_pixie**: That's what you get...for being in his room next to him!

**Klutzy-human**: What is going? :[ I'm confused!

**Emo-dimple**: Nothing so Bella how do you like forks?

**Klutzy-human**: Its wet...cold..and I hate it...bah screw forks

**MonkeyMan**: Well damn Edward is going to have a hard time pleasing you huh Bells*wink wink*

**Short_psychic-pixie**: *cough cough* Well what I've seen he has no issue =\\]

**MonkeyMan**: Omg no way! He gets laid Finally!..Alice wtf is that?o.o

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Its my blushing face xp

**Emo-dimple**: oOk, I'm having whiplash too many emotions...Alice hunny don't ever use it again...its creepy

**Klutzy-human**: You always look like your in pain...are you emo? Do you cut yourself?

**Short_psychic-pixie**: lmao his just sensitive..and Jasper u suck! I like my lil face!*pouts*

**Klutzy-human**: oo I see...I still say his emo!

**MonkeyMan**: That's not true! His Gay!*runs off*

_**Emo-dimple is busy...**___

**MonkeyMan**: Hey don't go cry in the corner and cut yourself I was just playing homo!...awwwww =(

**Emo-dimple is back..**

**Emo-dimple**: I feel better...how's your head Em?

**Proud-Blonde has signed on**

**Proud-Blonde**: Who hid my mirrors? Which one of you idiots did it?_

**Klutzy-human**: I think my dad is calling me...

_**Klutzy-human has signed off..**_

**MonkeyMan**: That hurt Jazzy =`(...ooo She did it! She confessed she signed off...

**Emo-dimple**:...Edward...is going to kill you Em RUN!

**Short_psychic-pixie**: lol you guys are funny! Ooo Em Jazzy poo is rite run Eddiekins is going to get u...

**MonkeyMan**: What's he gonna do? Place freesias and strawberries around me then cum all ovr me...lmao

**Proud_Blonde**: Honey are you gay?...That stupid human whore! She's not getting away with this I want my mirrors...grrr

_**MonkeyMan has signed off**_

**Proud_Blonde**: Explains his fascination with doing it from behind...*cough*

_**Proud_Blonde has signed off..**___

**Short_psychic-pixie**: ...wow..I didn't see that coming.

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off...**_

**Emo-dimple**: Haha hey im alone...all alone...so lonely...maybe I am emo...*cries*('.\\) emo kirby ur my only friend*runs off to hunt*

_**Emo-dimple has signed off...**___

**A/N:well here's chapter 3 eh not that funny yet but I swear it's getting there!**

**Emmett:..Y do I sound gay!**

**Jasper:At least your not emo T.T**

**Alice: and your not helping your cause babe**

**Bella:T.T WHERES EDWARD!**

**Rosalie:Seriously though where the fuck are my mirrors!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4-**The talk...sorta eh just go with it!

Rosalie**:Proud_Blonde  
**Esme**:Airhead-mother  
**Alice**:Short_psychic-pixie  
**Edward**:Controlfreak1918  
**Emmett**:MonkeyMan  
**Carlisle**:2Hot4U  
**Jasper**:Emo-dimple  
**Bella**:klutzy-human**

**A/N:Well I forgot to put the disclaimer thingy majigy yea obviously I am not SM cuz if I was I'd be rich and Bella well she be kinda dead or alone hmm but either way not with Edward or Jacob I think I would have made them gay or what not lol XD Any-who chapter 4!**

**MonkeyMan has signed on  
Proud_Blonde has signed on  
Emo-dimple has signed on  
Short_psychic-pixie has signed on  
Klutzy-human has signed on**

**Proud_Blonde**: I hate you give me my mirrors! Bella!

**Klutzy-human**: Rosalie I swear I didn't take your mirrors hello I've never seen your house!

**Proud_Blonde**: Liar Emmy bear told me..

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Rosie she's telling the truth..Em took them and hid them under the bed.

**Proud_Blonde**: That fag!

**Emo-dimple**: lol ^.^ I love you Alice poo! Aha see Emmett is gay!

**MonkeyMan**: Grr I am not gay I'll prove all of you wrong!

_**MonkeyMan is busy..**_

**Proud_Blonde**:...how?O.o

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Omg...lmao Rosie have fun!...My eyes burn now!_

_**Proud_Blonde is busy...**_

**Emo-dimple**: Thanks for covering for me...Baby I feel horny...lusty and omg...ewwwwwww ROSIE AND EMMETT ARE DOING IT AREN'T THEY!

**Klutzy-human**: uhm..should I leave?...o_O

**Short_psychic-pixie**: heehee Jazz why don't you come closer *wink wink* ;]

**Emo-dimple**: oo baby _ plz don't tease me*growls* ahh don't poke my member!

**Short_psychic-pixie**:...I'm not poking your member..*pokes*im poking your PENI!

**Klutzy-human**:...uh...uh...ew?...*covers eyes*Where's Edward to distract me stupid unreliable thing...hey what are you guys?

**Short_psychic-pixie**: We are vampsjjdbshjbfhudsjdb...HEY!O.O

**Controlfreak1918 has signed on**

**Controlfreak1918**: Shut up Alice

_**Controlfreak1918 has signed off**_

**Short_psychic-pixie**: but but T_T u didn't have to mess up my typing...*runs into Jazz's arms*

**Emo-dimple**: *comforts Alice* Sorry Bella..uhm well we are from Alaska..so were different...

_**Proud_Blonde is available**_

_**MonkeyMan is available**_

**Proud_Blonde**: wow ok Emmett is not gay *blush*

**MonkeyMan**: HELLZ YEAH! I tap that bitch haha

**Short_psychic-pixie**: *giggles* Rosie we can't blush

**Emo-dimple**: Alice babe ssh TMI! Edwa...I mean you know who will kill you...and wow that wasn't very long...

**Klutzy-human**: Edward...Edward! Plz talk 2 me plz omg plz im dying...*tears*

**2Hot4U has signed on**

**2Hot4U**: Your mother is going to sign on...Bella plz sign off she's going to talk about Sex...Run kids..run...now..

_**2Hot4U has signed off**_

**Klutzy-human**: oooooookkkkkk

_**Klutzy-human has signed off...**_

**Short_psychic-pixie**: oo this gonna be good

**Proud_Blonde**: omg Alice u perv

**Short_psychic-pixie**: heehee yes I am

**Airhead-mother has signed on**

**Airhead-mother**: ARE YOU CHILDREN USING PROTECTION!

**MonkeyMan**:...uhm mommy we can't catch anything or get prego we are uhmm dead

**Proud_blonde**: thanks Em u asshole had to remind me*runs away crying*

**Emo-dimple**: dude...harsh...*tears* damnit! Emmett go fix Rosie!

**MonkeyMan**: fine...

_**MonkeyMan has signed off  
Emo-dimple has signed off  
Proud_Blonde has signed off**_

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Esme! Edward and Bella need a talking too about Sex ^^

**Airhead-mother**: ok thanks sweetie ill wait

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off**_**  
Controlfreak1918 has signed on  
Klutzy-human has signed on**

**Controlfreak1918:** Bella hi I'm sorry for being rude...

**Klutzy-human**: heehee your talking to me ^^*blush*

**Airhead-mother**: ok you two sex is VILE don't ever do it!  
Understand Vile VILE!*pulls hair out screaming*

**Klutzy-human**: uhhh awkward...*blushes*

**Controlfreak1918**: uhm Esme are you alright?

**Airhead-mother**: Edward I'm your mother! You waited this long without sex what's another...several years...no sex its VILEEEE! Vile I say vile!*bald...*I need more hair..fucking shit man..I mean poopie!

**Controlfreak1918**:ok mommy ill wait no sex for me...

**MonkeyMan has signed on**

**MonkeyMan**: haha no action for eddikins haha ha*jumps up and down* Bella! I know who can help *wink wink*

**Klutzy-human**: who?... Jacob?

**Controlfreak1918**: ok mom im sorry I take it back...Bella WTF!

**MonkeyMan**: ooo awkward! I was talking about Mike Tyler or Eric but uh yea I think my job is done here*runs away*

_**MonkeyMan has signed off**_

**Klutzy-human**: oo shit..Edward I I i ...*runs away*

**Controlfreak1918**: ok you know what fuck you Emmett and Bella fuck you too

**Airhead-mother**: EDWARD!Language! And what did I say about Sex its bad don't do it its VILE!

**Controlfreak1918**: Esme mother dear...FUCK YOU TOO! I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT..I'm going back to Alaska... 

_**Controlfreak1918 has signed out**_

**Emo-dimple signed on**

**Emo-dimple**: whoa wow awkward

**Airhead-mother**: omg Edward is soo grounded!

_**Airhead-mother has signed off**_

**Emo-dimple**: lmao...got the last laugh I feel accomplished!

_**Emo-dimple has signed off...**___


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5-**uhmm running out of names here XD

Rosalie**:Proud_Blonde  
**Esme**:Airhead-mother  
**Alice**:Short_psychic-pixie  
**Edward**:Controlfreak1918  
**Emmett**:MonkeyMan  
**Carlisle**:2Hot4U  
**Jasper**:Emo-dimple  
**Bella**:klutzy-human**

Jacob:**Rawr=[]**

**A/N:Okies I forgot to let the Twilight ppl speak last chapter but uhm they were busy doing other things*blushes* Anyway the disclaimer thingy [insert generic disclaimer here]**

**Rawr=[] has signed on  
Klutzy-human has signed on**

**Rawr=[]**: Hey bells ^^*hugs*

**Klutzy-human**: Hey Jakey! Edward is angry with me plus he got grounded...*depressed sigh* Thanks for the huggles =)

**Rawr=[]**: oo Hells Bells want to hear a old tribe legend..or well read one? I'm sure it'll cheer you up! ^_^b

**Klutzy-human**: sure! But I want to hear it..I don't wanna read =] I'll call you ok!

**Rawr=[]**: ok! Yay!

_**Rawr=[] is busy...  
Klutzy-human is busy...**_**  
Short_psychic-pixie has signed on**

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Hey Bella...oo she's busy with who the hell is Rawr=[]?...le gasp im telling EDWARD!*runs off*

_**Short_psychic-pixie is **_  
**Emo-dimple has signed on..**

**Emo-dimple**: Alice honey are you on?...oo idle...uhm uh-oh Edward is all moody...why do ppl call me emo...when his the moody one talking about suicide if Bella dies omg such a emo person,*closes eyes in boredom*..emo kirby is still my only friend (T.\\)...

**MonkeyMan has signed on**

**MonkeyMan**: YOU ARE EMO! U GAY PERSON...HAHA*runs away*

_**MonkeyMan has signed off.**_.

**Emo-dimple**: WTF? Emmett im going to kill you and I'm not GAY..ask Alice! Grr..*runs off*

_**Emo-dimple is away...(kicking Emmett's ass...all over the house)  
Short_psychic-pixie is no longer idle...**_

**Short_psychic-pixie**: oh no! Darn I've missed all the fun...hmph*crosses arms*

_**Klutzy-human is back**_

**Klutzy-human**: oo hey Alice!...uhm jazz and em too? O.o

_**Rawr=[] is back..**_

**Rawr=[]**: eww leech!

**Short_psychic-pixie**: shut it mongrel...oo..heehee

**Rawr=[]**: what are you laughing at bloodsucker?

**Short_psychic-pixie**: Ima name you fluffy and you will be my fluffy!*squeals* i'll need to go shopping for your collars..leashes..matching shoes...clothes OMG! Can't wait!*bounces in seat*

**MonkeyMan has signed on..**

**MonkeyMan**: T.T oww Alice ur husbad is a meanie! I was just playing...oww he keeps attacking me! Fine ill say it Jasper is not gay I take it back...*mumbles something to Jazz*  
Anyway hey Jacob!

**Rawr=[]**: what?

**MonkeyMan**: *knock knock*

**Rawr=[]**: wtf? O.o Bella their weird...

**MonkeyMan**: whose there you ask?...its your new boss*laughs evilly*

**Rawr=[]**:...but I didn't ask u psycho!

**Klutzy-human**:...I miss Edward where is my Edward im going to start quoting Shakespeare..*grabs Alice and shakes her*WHERE THE FUCK IS MY EDWARD I DON'T CARE IF YOUR NOT HUMAN! I want my Edward...*sobs*

**Short_psychic-pixie**: uh...wow I didn't see that coming either.

**Emo-dimple has signed on..**

**Emo-dimple**: wow awkward uhm lets just go Alice and Emmett...seriously...

**MonkeyMan**: no way! This is funny Bella Edward hates you! He doesn't talk to you because u smelly! Sorry but Jacob is there 4 you! Aren't you puppy? *in lil baby voice* whose a good boy? whose a good boy? U r yes u r ur a good boy!

**Rawr=[]**: STFU! ILL EAT U!

**Emo-dimple**: lmao hey bad dog! bad dog!*hits dog with rolled up newspaper* bad doggie your not suppose to talk or threaten ur owners!

**Controlfreak1918 has signed on**

**Controlfreak1918**: Bella shut up, im still mad at you...xp

**Short_psychic-pixie**: oo ur grounded bad eddiekins! Get off!

**Klutzy-human**: noooo Edward..im sorry I love you! I don't care if your a monster...where art thou Edward! T_T

**Rawr=[]**: im going to eat all of you..I am not a dog! Grr

**Emo-dimple**: haha u went grr bad dog!

**MonkeyMan**: haha he wants to eat ppl out eww!

**Controlfreak1918**: Jacob you can have Bella!

**Short_psychic-pixie**: EDWARD! Are you out of your mind?

**Controlfreak1918**: yes I'm out of my freaking mind...lucky Jacob.

**Klutzy-human**: what noo! I love you please don't no don't im sorry ill be ur human slave! Ill be your meat puppet!

**Short_psychic-pixie**: im gone I wow  
_**  
Short_psychic-pixie has signed off**_

**Emo-dimple**: dude harsh im sorry Bella  
_**  
Emo-dimple has signed off**_

**MonkeyMan**:...dude Edward come on...be nice...at least lose ur virginity first u prude...

**MonkeyMan has signed off**

**Rawr=[]**: hey! That's not cool! I don't want your leftovers fuck ur kindness leech..hmph!

**Rawr=[] has signed off**

**Klutzy-human**: *mouth hanging open*

**Airhead-mother has signed on**

**Airhead-mother**: SEX IS EVIL..VILE!*Screams and runs away*

_**Airhead-mother has signed off..*screaming about sex***_

**Controlfreak1918**: thank god everyone is gone. Bella honey I love u! Plz it was just an act!

**Klutzy-human**: omg u scared the crap out of me u sadistic vampire!

**Controlfreak1918**: *smiles* I love you...I'm coming over ;]

**Klutzy-human**: oo yea! Come on over sparkly baby! *muah*

_**Klutzy-human has signed off**_

**Controlfreak1918**: woot! Maybe I can get laid...noo bad mind I have to be careful I could kill her...plus Esme's screams about sex being vile and evil kinda scares me...

_**Controlfreak1918 has signed off**___

**A/n: Well this was a bit funnier then the last chapters this is what happens when 2 high school girls get bored in english class while watching Beowulf XD! But that was like 2 yrs ago or 1 hmm I dont remember!**

**Alice:Why is Edward so moody?**

**Me:Why not?**

**Alice:Good Point!**

**Jasper:I thought I was the moody one...huzzah **

**Emmett:No no Jazz your still more moody than Eddiekins**

**Edward:I hate you all!**

**Jacob: ergh this place reeks of leeches**

**Me:Then cover your nose! Or go away!**

**Jacob: your mean to me!**

**Bella:Aww poor jakey!**

**Alice:SHOPPING TIME!**

**Jazz,Em,Ed,Bells,Jake,and me: RUN!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6-**Shake My Spear?

Rosalie**:Proud_Blonde  
**Esme**:Airhead-mother  
**Alice**:Short_psychic-pixie  
**Edward**:Controlfreak1918  
**Emmett**:MonkeyMan  
**Carlisle**:2Hot4U  
**Jasper**:Emo-dimple  
**Bella**:klutzy-human**

Jacob:**Rawr=[]**

**A/N:Here we are another chapter whoo! This was thought of during English XD oh senior yr I miss u XD well disclaimer insert here blah blah lol oh and I have to say I love A7X Nightmare kick ass album XD...RIP the REV! Oh BTW its rated M for suggestive themes and language okies! Oh and we don't mean to offend okies so if u get offended sorry =( Oh and if you haven't notice the twilight ppl are way different then how they would be in the book!**

**Klutzy-human has signed on...**

**Klutzy-human**: Edward Edward where art thou Edward... (sobs)

**Emo-dimple has signed on...**

**Emo-dimple**: damn dude why art thou crying? Your more emo than me... STOP BEING MORE EMO THAN ME! (Runs off and cries)

_**Emo-dimple is busy...**_

**Klutzy-human**: art thou sorry?

**Short_psychic-pixie has signed on...**

**Short_psychic-pixie**: OMG BELLA WHAT ART THOU DOING?

**Klutzy-human**: I'm sssssoooorrrrryyyy I didn't mean to make him mad Alice (cries harder) 

_**Emo-dimple is avaliable**_

**Emo-dimple**: THEN STOP CRYING YOU STUPID BITCH (crying with snot coming out)

**Short_psychic-pixie**: wow I didn't see any of this coming... WTF IS UP WITH MY VISIONS? (Runs away)

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off...**_

**Emo-dimple**: LOOK WHAT YOU DID! (Runs off to calm Alice)

_**Emo-dimple has signed off...**_

**Klutzy-human**: (cries) everybody hates me (runs off)

_**Klutzy-human has signed off...**_**  
MonkeyMan has signed on...**

**MonkeyMan**: yes Bella... everybody hates you... what the fuck are you guys quoting...

shit what's that old dudes name... DAMN I CAN'T REMEMBER! (Breaks Roses mirror)

**Proud_Blonde has signed on...**

**Proud_Blonde**: WTF EMMETT!

**MonkeyMan**: haha I break a mirror and you come!

**Airhead-mother has signed on**

Airhead-mother: SEX IS VILE! STOP IT!

_**Airhead-mother has signed off**_

**MonkeyMan**: o that did sound nasty huh? Haha hey Rosie what's that old fart's name?

**Proud_Blonde**: Carlisle I think he knew him personally?

**MonkeyMan**: No Rosie I'm not talking about Carlise..oo I remember now it was Shake my spear!

**2Hot4U has signed on**

**2Hot4U**: wtf are y'all kids talking bout?

**MonkeyMan**: Shake my spear!

**2Hot4U**: I'm not gay its ok...why is everyone quoting Shakespeare?

**Proud_Blonde**: aha u did know him!

**2Hot4U**: hellz yea his my homizill

**MonkeyMan**:...no his name is shake my spear!

**Proud_Blonde**: wow no Carlise stop just shush! Please don't try to sound "hip"

**2Hot4U**: why u hating on me yo? Y porch monkey y?

**MonkeyMan**: wtf u rascit!...what do u have against monkeys?

**Proud_Blonde**: did u watch clerks 2?

**2Hot4U**: would you fuck me? I'd fuck me I'd fuck me hard ...yes I did indeed watch clerks 2...its the shit!

**Airhead-mother has signed on**

**Airhead-mother**: o yea the donkey turns me on! Go kinky Kelly

_**Proud_Blonde has signed out(from fear)**_

**MonkeyMan**: ...uh SHAKE MY SPEAR!

_**MonkeyMan has signed off**_**  
Controlfreak1918 has signed on**

**Controlfreak1918:** My only love sprung from my only hate; too early unknown and known too late.

**Emo-dimple has signed on**

Emo-dimple: A plague o' both your houses!

**Controlfreak1918**: Jasper your part of my house

**Emo-dimple**: Well...Fuck..uh take it back wait Plague on your house Bella!*evil laugh...cough* dammit I choked..

**Klutzy-human has signed on**

**Klutzy-human**: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Edward is the sun.

**Rawr=[] has signed on**

**Rawr=[]**: BECAUSE HIS A FAIRY!

**Controlfreak1918**: FUCK U... AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE FLEAS... ha beat that bitch

**MonkeyMan has signed on**

**MonkeyMan**: u get it? Its cuz ur a dog

**Controlfreak1918**: Why thank you Captain obvious! I think he gets it you idiot!

**Rawr=[]**: let me guess leech it took u 5 mins to get it huh?

**MonkeyMan**: first off 1. Fuck u stupid dog and 2. Edward wtf I had your back and you just ruined my joke you ass... fuck both of you asses_

**2Hot4U**: These violent delights have violent ends.

**MonkeyMan**: Thy all need to stop Shake my spear shit!...ahh I art talking like thou now!(runs away screaming Shake my spear!)

_**MonkeyMan has signed off**_

**Klutzy-human**: he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun.

**Rawr=[]**: this convo is getting fruity so imma go now... see you later tonight bells ;)...

_**Rawr=[] has signed off**_****

2Hot4U: yeah me too see ya...

**Controlfreak1918**: yeah says the man who's screen name is 2Hot4U (cough.. Fruity... cough)

**2Hot4U**: well at least I can get some pussy... so HA BEOTCH!..word to your mother

_**2Hot4U has signed off**_

**Controlfreak1918**: shit he's right... Bella why won't you give me any? Wtf? Y r u seeing Jacob later tonight?

**Klutzy-human**: uuuuummmmm... I think my dad is calling me ttyl ;)

_**Klutzy-human has signed off  
**_  
**Controlfreak1918**: Aww shit... now I feel like Jasper... Kirby is my only friend (T_T)

_**Controlfreak1918 has signed off**_**  
Emo-dimple has signed on**

**Emo-dimple**: HEY YOU YOU STOLE MY LINE :( (lip is quivering)

**Short_psychic-pixie has signed on**

Short_psychic-pixie: Jasper give it a rest you crybaby I've had enough of this emoness from you!Dear merciful god!

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off**_

**Emo-dimple**: but but... okay...T_T

_**Emo-dimple has signed off**___

**A/N: Ok yea see sometimes I think we are on crack or something lol**

**Edward:Sometimes?**

**Jasper:Why does Edward always copy me =(**

**Me:Cause your sexy!**

**Alice:I agree with that *slap* but his mine DX**

**Bella: I want a kitty...**

**Jacob:...can I have back up in this story cuz im all alone **

**Me:OW =( we can share! And Bella no no kitty for you Jacob i'll think about it =)**

**Emmett:I feel left out...but I have to ask Shake my spear?**

**Me: I said that in English when I tried to say shakespeare**

**Rosie:...No wonder we all sound like idoits*flips hair***


	7. Chapter 7

**Bella:Klutzy-human**

**Jacob:Rawr=[]**

_**A/N:Ok its been way too long since I updated I'm so sorry Real Life got in the way my dad almost died and other crappy things happened like all the chapter I had written awhile ago were deleted and I don't really remember what they were since it was during high school=( but oh well I wrote some during work and I'll post em now so hopefully this'll make up for it...sorry for the long notice if you happen to read and review i'd be grateful. Any ideas on what kind of situation you want them to be ill take those too thanks and enjoy the weridness that is my mind.**_

**Rawr=[] has signed on..**

**Klutzy-human has signed on..**

**Rawr=[]:**Bells I feel like people are out to get me 0.0 

**K****lutzy-human:**Your being paranoid 

**Rawr=[]:**No I'm not my ears burn and my animal sense tell me so 

**K****lutzy-human:**Well you do run at a higher temperature and really animal senses? 

**Rawr=[]**:...Im cereal here 

**Klutzy-human:**Really what kind? 

**Rawr=[]:**..huh? 

**Klutzy-human:**Never mind lol Jake ily but come on who would be after a shapeshifter? 

**Rawr=[]:**I guess but I get this weird feeling someone is watching me like a pixie type ninja.. 

**Klutzy-human:**Jake a pixie ninja? 

**Rawr=[]**:yea so like its Alice! 

**Klutzy-human:** Jake Alice is on a shopping spree in Tokyo 

**Rawr=[]**:So she can swim back! 

**Klutzy-human:**SHOPPING=Alice won't return for a month! 

**Rawr=[]:**Still if I go missing blame the midget! 

**Klutzy-human:**-_-Jake go to bed it's 3:30am 

**Rawr=[]:**I don't wanna! 

**Klutzy-human:**Mister go to bed 

**Rawr=[]:**Tuck me in? Read me a bedtime story? 

**Klutzy-human: **Once upon a time there was wolf...he was a bit paranoid then nothing happened. The End! NowJacobBlack get your fuzzy butt to bed! 

**Rawr=[]:**Hey my ass is not fuzzy! Only when I'm in wolf form! That was a horrible story no plot! No action! Not even romance! I object! 

**Klutzy-human:**I swear Jacob I'll go get the dog whistle 

**Rawr=[]:**No not that please have mercy hells bells..MERCY! 

**Klutzy-human:**^^b then go to bed 

**Rawr=[]:**But I don't wanna goooo 

**Klutzy-human:**Dog whistle 

**Rawr=[]:**No no no no no no no no no 

**Klutzy-human:***evil smile* I'll blow it 

**Rawr=[]:***whimper*..That's what she said 

**Klutzy-human:**sit you moron 

**Rawr=[]:***sit* 

**Klutzy-human:**=D roll over! 

**Rawr=[]:***rolls over* 

**Klutzy-human:**what a good boy! 

**Rawr=[]:***bark*...*humps leg* 

**Klutzy-human:**o.0...JACOB! 

**Rawr=[]:***rawr*Mine 

**Klutzy-human:**JACOB BLACK GET OFF 

**Rawr=[]:***grabs whistle* 

**Klutzy-human:**You sonofabitch! 

**Rawr=[]:**HAHA!*runs* In yo face!..well leg? whatever 

**Klutzy-human:**...I feel so unclean 

**Rawr=[]:**Bye hells bells!I'm off to bed!

_**Rawr=[] has signed off...**_

**Klutzy-human:***looks down* Oh god I hope that's yogurt...

_**Klutzy-human has signed off..**_

_**A/N:Well here ya go hope you laughed even just a little! R&R **_

_**Bella:Why is it always me!**_

_**Me:Don't be a mary sue...be glad it was your leg could have been your hair*evil smile***_

_**Bella:You wouldn't?..Would you?**_

_**Me: :3**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Alice:Short_psychic-pixie**

**Rosalie:Proud_Blonde**

_**A/N:Ok so another chapter woo? Im thinking of changing alice's screen name to alicethepixiequeen but not sure...oh and if you enjoy avengers you should totally read Attack of the minivengers it is awesome! Go find it and read it okies? Oh and I do not own Twilight! If I did Ed and Jake would be together Em and Jazz would have more dialogue Bella wouldn't be well I wouldn't want to slap her as much lol Plus they wouldn't sparkle! rawr**_

**Short_psychic-pixie has signed on..**

**Proud_Blonde has signed on..**

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Rosie come on! 

**Proud_Blonde:**NO 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Pretty Please!=( 

**Proud_Blonde:** No woman 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Come on sista from another mista! 

**Proud_Blonde:**Alice go away for the love of pixies just shoo! 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Oh come on ILY! 

**Proud_Blonde:**Well I hate you see we even out/3 

**Short_psychic-pixie:** your no fun! 

**Proud_Blonde:**Alice what makes you think I would even go for your

little plan? Go bug Bella! 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**See..she's..uhm mad at me 

**Proud_Blonde:**What did you do? 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**I may have set the couch on fire accidently...haha 

**Proud_Blonde:**WTF?...Was she on it? 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Well see what had happened was Emmybear was writing a letter so I saw he needed help and well he lit a candle..cuz well it smelled like popcorn(who could resist!) No Bella was not on the couch! 

**Proud_Blonde:**Wait then how did you set the couch ablaze if Em lit the candle?..Damn she wasn't! 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**I was getting to that! I may have been sprinting back and forth trying to get Emmybear in the mood...by messing with the lights and creating wind by my sprinting to make it creepy.. 

**Proud_Blonde:**Alice what happened? 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**I had a Bella moment 

**Proud_Blonde:***facedesk*..Your a vampire for crying out! Plus your the most graceful out of all of us? 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**heehee teeheehee 

**Proud_Blonde:**So Ed and Jazz are angry at the wrong vamp? 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Not really I mean if Emmett didn't try to grab me. I wouldn't have knocked the candle out of his hand =( 

**Proud_Blonde:**So in turn you want me to set Ed's room on fire to perpetuate the lie that there's a ghost who happens to be a pyro? 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**mmm..Yea sounds about right! We need to save Emmett from being killed so see its to save your lover boy!=D 

**Proud_Blonde:**How about I just tell Edward it's your fault? 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**I didn't think this through...you wouldn't would you? 

**Proud_Blonde:**:D Try me pixie girl! 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Rosie Posie I LUB YOU! 

**Proud_Blonde:**Alice if I help you promise me one thing 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**what is it? 

**Proud_Blonde:**Bella will be in the room 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**I thought you finally liked her? 

**Proud_Blonde:**I lied 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Omg your so evil! 

**Proud_Blonde:**If she's not helping she's a liability it is that simple. 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**I see you evil point..why are you so scary? but she's highly flammable! 

**Proud_Blonde:**Pick one Bella or Fluffy muttface! 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**No not Fluffy! 

**Proud_Blonde:**The dog or that traitor..either way I will feel satisfied 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**T_T fine I shall lure Bella into the room...I would miss torturing I mean loving Sethykins his my fluffy puppy! 

**Proud_Blonde:**I was referring to Jacob I actually happen to like Seth 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Oh well how about a twofer? 

**Proud_Blonde:**yay! you do love me! 

**Short_psychic-pixie:**Your so evil! 

**Proud_Blonde:**Yea but your encouraging it!

**Short_psychic-pixie:**I am but it's ok you support my addiction to shopping muhahahaha

_**Short_psychic-pixie has signed off..**_

_**Proud_Blonde has signed off..**_

_**A/N: So two chapters in one day awesome! Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated I do want feedback good or bad its appreciated!**_

_**Alice:Do we really have to kill em?**_

_**Rosie: yes yes yes yes yes**_

_**Me:I mean ergh part of me would think bella on fire might be enertaining but jake why jake?**_

_**Rosie:Why not?**_

_**Alice: point taken ill get the gasoline**_

_**Me:...Rosie your scary!**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Emmett:Monkeyman**

**Jasper:Emo-dimple**

**Edward:Controlfreak1918**

_**A/N:I own nothing I just make fun of the characters and put them in crack induced situations thats all R&R Hope you enjoy!**_

**Monkeyman:**Jasper please =( 

**E****mo-dimple:**NO! 

**Monkeyman:**Dude! 

**Emo-dimple:**Douchebag 

**Monkeyman:**Harsh man please come on! 

**Emo-dimple:**No and again No 

**Monkeyman:**yesssss 

**Emo-dimple:**...fine...goodbye 

**Monkeyman:** no please wait! 

**Emo-dimple:**Explain it to me please. Why it has to be me? 

**Monkeyman:**Cause I said so! 

**Emo-dimple:**That just seems illogical 

**Monkeyman:**Jazz its me were discussing... 

**Emo-dimple: **Smartest thing you've said so far Emmett but still why would you want to eat a stick of dynamite? 

**Monkeyman:**Dude were immortal it would be cool!... 

**Emo-dimple:**No we can be killed Em...and I think explosives might be a sure fire way to be at death's door. 

**Monkeyman:**...why do your harsh words ruin my boner?..Details Jazz details...that are quite insignificant at this point. 

**Emo-dimple:***face palm* 

**Monkeyman:**Jazz brah come on 

**Emo-dimple:**Why can't you ask Edward? 

**Monkeyman:**Dude...=0 he would overkill me! Don't you know his still angry with me about the whole accidently setting his room on fire incident...Eddikins would like shove lots of dynamite into my system and do it with like a evil joker smile...*shiver* you know how scary eddikins can get! remember what he did to Jacob! 

**Emo-dimple**:...Ok how did you "accidently" set his room on fire? 

**Monkeyman**:It ignited like evil fire his couch just spontaneously combusted dude 

**Emo-dimple:**How did it just spontaneously combusted? 

**Monkeyman: **Spontaneously? I was writing an apology letter to Seth you know to apologize for scary the crap out of him when I dressed like Barney..then the letter sorta went up in flames. 

**Emo-dimple:**Friction...are you serious? 

**Monkeyman:**ok ok so I lit a candle to help me concentrate ya know to get me in the mood. 

**Emo-dimple:**WTF! Lol That's what she said Dude 

**Monkeyman:**The candle smelled like butter popcorn so it reminded me of a movie and the dark depressing atmosphere those writers have in movies... 

**Emo-dimple:**Fine *sigh* I'll stick the damn thing inside you!

**Monkeyman:**THATS WHAT HE SAID!=D ok so well I gtg run errands for Rosie. My day is complete! 

**Emo-dimple:**Are you fucking serious right now? No I refuse to just let this go Emmett...Are you fucking serious right now? No NO! you do not get off this easily EDWARD! Edward do you want help me put explosives in Emmet's digestive system or groin area? 

**Monkeyman:**...Jazz I love you? 

**Emo-dimple:**no this is the last straw

**Controlfreak1918 has singed on..**

**Controlfreak1918**:Jasper I'll put in the explosives and you may detonate!=D 

**Monkeyman:**EEP!...Mommy! Edward! Alice helped me set the room on fire!

**Controlfreak1918:** Do you really believe I would believe that?

**Monkeyman:**FINE! Truth is there is a ghost in your room that happens to be a pyro? No? Ok then haha *runs*

_**Emo-dimple has signed off to gather the dynamite**_

_**Controlfreak1918 has singed off to track Emmett**_

_**Monkeyman has signed off in fear**_

_**A/N: look another chapter yay thats it for today so hopefully it is enjoyable! I work at a movie theater so my hours are crazy and then the dark knight rises is coming out at midnight so its going to be busy! I worked during harry potter and the deathly hallows pt 2 and hangover 2 and it was super busy it was crazy! **_

_**Emmett:Why do they want to kill me all the time?**_

_**Me:I do not know maybe because your awesome?**_

_**Emmett:Ok I can accept that as the truth**_


End file.
